Rocks Make Pebbles
MenuClose

Communication and play

Playing with your autistic child: following their lead

Updated 12 minute readApplies to: UK

Sourced and dated · professional review pending

In short

Autistic children often play in their own way, such as lining things up, spinning wheels, repeating the same action or exploring how things feel, and that is real play. To join in, follow your child's lead: get face to face, copy what they do, wait, and add something small. Simple games with a pause, like "ready, steady... go", help you take turns together.

Key points

  • Lining up, spinning, repeating and sensory play are real play. You don't need to stop them.
  • Join in on your child's terms: get face to face, copy what they do, wait and add something small.
  • People games with a pause, like "ready, steady... go", give your child a turn without needing words.
  • Parent programmes mostly change how adults respond. In UK trials, children then started more interactions, but effects on talking were small.
  • Keep it short and fun. A few minutes in everyday routines counts.
  • Screens can be shared too: sit together, talk about what your child is watching, and pause for their turn.
On this page
  1. In short
  2. How do autistic children play?
  3. How do I join in with my child's play?
  4. What are people games and turn-taking games?
  5. What can I play with my autistic child?
  6. What does the research say about playing together?
  7. Can screens be part of playing together?
  8. How can brothers, sisters and other children join in?
  9. Where can I get more help?
  10. Questions parents ask
  11. How this guide was made
  12. Sources

How do autistic children play?

Many autistic children play in their own way: lining things up, sorting, spinning wheels, repeating the same action, or exploring how things look, sound and feel. This is real play, and you don't need to stop it.

When researchers asked 19 autistic children aged 5 to 13 what play meant to them, the children described enjoyment, connection with other people, and doing things that mattered to them, with choice and control running through all three. The authors said their findings "challenge long-standing deficit-oriented assumptions" about autistic children's play (O'Keeffe and McNally 2025).

  • Repetitive play isn't a bad sign for talking. In a large US study of late-talking autistic children, repetitive and sensory interests did not predict whether they went on to speak (Wodka, Mathy and Kalb 2013).
  • Senses matter. The Hanen Centre, citing a review of more than 25,000 autistic children, says 74% had sensory differences, and that children seek out or avoid sensations according to their preferences (Hanen: Choosing people games).
  • Some children keep toys as a "set". Hanen suggests joining in with a similar toy that isn't part of the set (Hanen: Imitate to connect).
  • Some children prefer to play on their own or alongside others, rather than with them (Hanen: Peer play).

Myth: "Lining up toys isn't proper play." Autistic children themselves describe play as enjoyment, connection and doing things that matter to them (O'Keeffe and McNally 2025). Your child's way of playing counts. Join in with it rather than steering them to "proper" play.

How do I join in with my child's play?

Follow your child's lead: join in with what they are already doing, on their terms. This is the shared ingredient of parent programmes such as PACT, a UK approach in which a therapist coaches parents using video of their own play (Health Innovation Manchester).

  1. Pick a good moment, when your child is calm and busy with something they enjoy.
  2. Get face to face. Get down to their level so you can see what they see (Hanen: Waiting). You don't need eye contact, which many autistic people describe as uncomfortable or overwhelming (Trevisan et al. 2017).
  3. Watch and listen. Notice what your child likes about the activity: the colour, the sound, the movement or the order.
  4. Copy. Get your own similar toy and do what your child does, including their sounds (Hanen: Imitate to connect). In a small study of six autistic children, adults copying the children's sounds led to more vocal copying and turn-taking by the children (Ishizuka and Yamamoto 2016).
  5. Wait. Stop talking, lean in, look interested and count to 5 in your head, going up to 10 (Hanen: Waiting).
  6. Comment, don't quiz. Say what is happening ("Round and round.") rather than asking questions ("What colour is it?"). Hanen notes that lots of questions and commands can lead children who echo to repeat words back without understanding them (Hanen).
  7. Add a little. Once your child notices you, add one small, related change, such as a "beep" or your car going down a ramp, and see if they take it up (Hanen: Imitate to connect).
  8. Treat any look, sound or movement as a turn, and answer it.

It can take time before your child notices you are copying rather than taking over, so try again on another day if they move away (Hanen: Imitate to connect).

Keep it short, and stop while it's still fun. A few minutes at bath time or snack time counts: across 144 studies, more hours of intervention did not predict bigger gains (Sandbank et al. 2024). Play isn't a test, so there's no need to ask for words, eye contact or sitting still.

Good to know: The aim of playing together is enjoying each other's company and sharing attention, not making your child play like other children. A 2021 paper led by a UK PACT researcher argued that early support should "move away from a normative agenda" (Leadbitter et al. 2021).

What are people games and turn-taking games?

Hanen describes people games as "simple, interactive games played without toys", such as chasing, swinging, squeezes and songs, and suggests choosing them around what your child enjoys through their senses, such as movement, touch or sound (Hanen: Choosing people games).

To build in a turn for your child:

  1. Choose a game your child loves and play it the same way, with the same words, each time.
  2. Just before the best bit, pause: "Ready, steady..." Then wait (Hanen: Waiting).
  3. Treat any look, sound, reach, movement or sign as your child saying "go", and carry on straight away.
  4. Stop when your child has had enough.

Once your child knows a routine, try simple turn-taking: roll a ball back and forth, add one brick each to a tower, or take turns pressing a button. Say whose turn it is: "My turn... your turn."

Sharing attention on the same thing in these games is called joint attention, which Hanen describes as "when two people pay attention to the same thing and let each other know that they are sharing that moment" (Hanen: Joint attention). The same page notes that autistic children may find it harder to start joint attention than to follow someone else's lead. A meta-analysis of 71 reports found joint attention was more closely linked to language in autistic children than in non-autistic children (Bottema-Beutel 2016).

Try this: Blow some bubbles, then hold the wand up, say "Ready, steady..." and wait. A look, a sound, a reach or a sign counts as your child's "go": blow the bubbles straight away. Keep the words the same each time, and stop while your child is still enjoying it.

What can I play with my autistic child?

Start from what your child already enjoys. Each idea below uses the same steps: join in, copy, wait and add a little (Hanen: Imitate to connect; Hanen: Choosing people games).

If your child likes What it can look like Ways to join in
Lining up and sorting Cars in a row, bricks sorted by colour Make your own line next to theirs. Hand them the next one and name it: "Blue car."
Spinning and watching things move Wheels, spinning tops, water pouring Spin your own. Make a "ready, steady... spin" routine with a pause before "spin"
Repeating an action Opening and closing doors, dropping things, pressing a button Take a turn in the routine. Add the same sound each time, then pause before it
Moving and crashing Jumping, climbing, crashing into cushions Chasing, swinging or bouncing games, with a pause before the best bit
Touch and sound Water, sand, squeezing things, tapping, music Sit alongside with your own bowl or drum and copy. Sing a short song and pause before the last word
A favourite topic Trains, letters, animals, a TV character Use it as the theme: count trains, sing about the character, find the letters on signs
A screen A favourite video or game Sit together, talk about what's happening, and pause for your child's turn

Using your child's focused interests is worth doing: in one review, all 20 studies that built children's interests into teaching reported gains (Gunn and Delafield-Butt 2016).

What does the research say about playing together?

Parent programmes most clearly help parents tune in to their child. In the UK PACT trials, children then started more interactions, but across all programmes the evidence for changes in children is weaker, and effects on talking are small or uncertain. NICE recommends considering play-based approaches with parents, carers or teachers "to increase joint attention, engagement and reciprocal communication", delivered by a trained professional using modelling and video feedback (NICE CG170).

  • PACT (UK). In a trial of 152 children aged 2 to 4, parents became much more in tune with their child, and children started more interactions with their parents. Autism scores did not differ at 13 months, and effects on language were small (Green et al. 2010). About six years later, children still started more interactions and had somewhat lower autism scores across the whole period, but there was no difference in language (Pickles et al. 2016).
  • PACT-G (UK). In 249 children aged 2 to 11, coaching at home and school made parents and learning support assistants more responsive, and this led to more communication from the children. It did not change autism scores or language, but parents' wellbeing improved (Green et al. 2022).
  • JASPER (US). In 86 toddlers, 10 weeks of hands-on coaching for parents led to a large increase in joint engagement that was still there 6 months later, and more varied play (Kasari et al. 2015).
  • Hanen More Than Words®. In a trial with 62 toddlers, there were no overall effects on parents' responsiveness or children's communication, though children with less interest in objects made faster progress (Carter et al. 2011).
  • All parent programmes. A Cochrane review of 17 trials called the evidence for better parent-child interaction "strong", but found no clear gains in most child outcomes (Oono, Honey and McConachie 2013). A meta-analysis of 25 studies found programmes made parents more responsive, but did not find a change in the children's communication (Edmunds, Kover and Stone 2019).

Evidence check: In plain English, these programmes help parents tune in. In the UK trials, children then started more interactions, but they have not been shown to make a big difference to talking. Most of this research involved coaching from a trained therapist, so the ideas in this guide are a starting point, not a replacement for that support.

In the UK, ask your local NHS speech and language therapy service or child development team whether they offer PACT, More Than Words or Intensive Interaction. All three are named by the Royal College of Speech and Language Therapists (RCSLT: Autism), but what is offered varies by area. More Than Words is run by Hanen-certified speech and language therapists (Hanen).

Can screens be part of playing together?

Yes. Research does not show that screens cause autism, and watching or playing together is the approach England's guidance favours. A meta-analysis of 46 observational studies found that a link between screen time and autism became small and not significant once publication bias was corrected for (Ophir et al. 2023).

  • England's guidance for under-5s (March 2026) says for 2 to 5 year olds: "Try to keep it to 1 hour a day. Less if possible." It suggests watching "together with your child" and choosing "slow-paced, predictable content" (Best Start in Life).
  • Watching together can help. The government's expert group says co-viewing, meaning talking, responding, asking questions and taking turns, "improves language and thinking skills". It also says its limits "do not apply to screen-based assistive technologies for children with SEND", such as a communication app (Early Years Screen Time Advisory Group).
  • There is no magic number. In 2019, the Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health (RCPCH) said it was "unable to recommend a cut-off" and suggested families set limits based on their own child (RCPCH).

To share a screen, sit with your child, talk about what they are watching, and pause the video to wait for a look or a sound before pressing play again. Afterwards, act out a favourite scene with real toys. Researchers call this "joint media engagement": adults and children using media together (Takeuchi and Stevens 2011). Our guide to screen time and apps has more.

How can brothers, sisters and other children join in?

Keep it short, simple and optional. Evidence on including siblings is early: a review found "no consistent method for including siblings" (Shivers and Plavnick 2015), though small studies found that siblings could learn simple ways to support communication (Spector and Charlop 2018; Bagawan et al. 2026).

  • Give a brother or sister one easy job, such as offering a turn, waiting or copying, in a game your autistic child already enjoys.
  • Protect the sibling's own time. Joining in should never become a chore. Our guide to brothers and sisters covers explaining autism and supporting siblings.
  • With other children, Hanen suggests inviting one child with similar interests, calling them by name or offering your child a prop that gets them into the game. Watching from a distance can be "a great first step" (Hanen: Peer play).
  • At school age, NICE suggests considering support that works through other children (NICE CG170). A review of five group studies found that this kind of support improved social interaction and called it "a promising approach" (Chang and Locke 2016).

Connection matters to many autistic children too: it was one of the three things children in the play study said play meant to them (O'Keeffe and McNally 2025).

Where can I get more help?

  • Your local NHS speech and language therapy service or child development team, for advice and to ask about parent programmes.
  • The Hanen Centre publishes free tips for parents, including on people games and copying your child.
  • The National Autistic Society has information and support for families, Sibs supports brothers and sisters, and Contact runs a helpline for families with disabled children.

For more on communication, see our guides Will my autistic child talk? and echolalia and scripting. For sensory needs, see sensory differences.

Questions parents ask

My son just lines up his cars. Should I stop him?

No. Lining up, sorting and arranging are ways many autistic children play, and in one large study, repetitive and sensory interests did not predict whether late-talking autistic children went on to speak. Instead of stopping it, sit nearby with your own cars and line them up too. When your child notices you, add one small change, like a "beep" or a car going down a ramp, and see if they join in.

My child won't let me play with them. What can I do?

Start by being nearby rather than joining straight away. Watch what your child enjoys, then quietly copy what they do with your own similar toy, so you are not taking theirs. It can take time before your child sees you are copying rather than taking over. Keep your turns short, wait, and try again another day if they move away. Some children prefer people games without toys, such as chasing or swinging.

What are joint attention activities?

Joint attention is when two people pay attention to the same thing and let each other know they are sharing it, by looking, pointing or saying something. Joint attention activities are simply things you both focus on together, built around what your child already likes: blowing bubbles and pausing before the next one, rolling a ball back and forth, or looking at a favourite book. Follow what your child is looking at, rather than trying to move them to your idea.

Is it OK if my autistic child plays alone?

Yes. Some children prefer to play on their own or alongside other children, and watching others from a distance can be a first step. Offer short, easy ways to share play, such as copying what your child does or a simple people game, and let them have time alone too. If your child has not been assessed and you are worried about how they play or get on with others, talk to your GP or health visitor.

What are people games?

People games are simple, interactive games played without toys, such as chasing, swinging, squeezes and songs. Choose one that fits what your child enjoys, play it the same way each time, then pause before the best bit, such as "ready, steady...", and wait for a look, sound, movement or sign before "go". That signal is your child's turn in the game, and it doesn't need words.

Do parent programmes like PACT work?

They clearly help parents tune in to their child. In a UK trial of 152 children, PACT made parents much more in tune with their child and children started more interactions with them, but effects on language were small. A later UK trial at home and school found a similar pattern, and parents' wellbeing improved. Across all parent programmes, clear gains for children are less certain. Ask your local speech and language therapy service what is offered in your area.

Is the iPad bad for my autistic child?

Research does not show that screens cause autism. For children aged 2 to 5, England's guidance suggests keeping screen time to about an hour a day or less and watching together. Sitting with your child, talking about what they are watching and pausing for their turn makes screen time something you share. A tablet your child uses to communicate is different: the expert group behind the guidance says its limits do not apply to assistive technology.

How do I get my autistic child to play with his brother or sister?

Keep it short, simple and optional for both children. Choose a game your autistic child already enjoys and give the sibling one easy job, such as offering a turn, waiting or copying. Small studies suggest siblings can learn simple ways to help, but the evidence is early. Make sure the sibling also gets one-to-one time and play of their own, so joining in never becomes a chore.

How this guide was made

Written by
The Rocks Make Pebbles editorial team, using the 34 sources listed below.
How
We researched the topic from UK guidance and published research, drafted the guide with the help of AI tools, and checked it against its sources on 28 September 2026. Read our editorial policy.
Professional review
Not yet reviewed. This guide is waiting for review by a speech and language therapist. We will show their name and the date here once they have checked it.
Last updated
Next review due
, or sooner if the rules or the research change.
Spotted a problem?
Email support@rocksmakepebbles.co.uk and tell us which guide. We fix mistakes quickly and list them on our corrections page.

Sources

Every fact in this guide links to one of these. We checked each link when we last updated the guide.

  1. What play means to autistic children, in their own words Autism (O'Keeffe and McNally), 2025
  2. Predictors of phrase and fluent speech in children with autism and severe language delay Pediatrics (Wodka, Mathy and Kalb), 2013
  3. Choosing people games The Hanen Centre, March 2025
  4. Imitate to connect The Hanen Centre, June 2023
  5. What stands in the way of successful peer play The Hanen Centre, August 2023
  6. Paediatric Autism Communication Therapy (PACT) Health Innovation Manchester
  7. Waiting: the key to supporting your child's communication The Hanen Centre, May 2024
  8. How do adults and teens with self-declared autism spectrum disorder experience eye contact? PLOS ONE (Trevisan et al.), 2017
  9. Adults copying autistic children's vocalisations: effects on vocal imitation and turn-taking Autism (Ishizuka and Yamamoto), 2016
  10. Helping children who use echolalia The Hanen Centre, November 2018
  11. Determining associations between intervention amount and outcomes for young autistic children: a meta-analysis JAMA Pediatrics (Sandbank et al.), 2024
  12. Autistic self-advocacy and the neurodiversity movement: implications for autism early intervention research and practice Frontiers in Psychology (Leadbitter, Buckle, Ellis and Dekker, via PubMed), 2021
  13. Paying attention to children's joint attention The Hanen Centre, 10 February 2022
  14. Joint attention and language in autistic and non-autistic children: a meta-regression Autism Research (Bottema-Beutel), 2016
  15. Teaching children with autism spectrum disorder with restricted interests: a review of evidence for best practice Review of Educational Research (Gunn and Delafield-Butt), 2016
  16. Autism spectrum disorder in under 19s: support and management (CG170) NICE, 2021
  17. Parent-mediated communication-focused treatment in children with autism (PACT): a randomised controlled trial The Lancet (Green et al.), 2010
  18. PACT long-term follow-up The Lancet (Pickles et al.), 2016
  19. Paediatric Autism Communication Therapy-Generalised (PACT-G) against treatment as usual for reducing symptom severity in young children with autism spectrum disorder: a randomised controlled trial The Lancet Psychiatry (Green et al.), 2022
  20. Randomised trial of JASPER parent coaching with toddlers Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology (Kasari et al.), 2015
  21. Randomised trial of the Hanen More Than Words programme with toddlers Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry (Carter et al.), 2011
  22. Parent-mediated early intervention for young children with autism spectrum disorders Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews (Oono, Honey and McConachie), 2013
  23. Parent verbal responsiveness and child communication in autism: a meta-analysis of 25 studies Autism Research (Edmunds, Kover and Stone), 2019
  24. Autism: clinical information Royal College of Speech and Language Therapists, October 2023
  25. More Than Words® The Hanen Centre
  26. Screen time and autism: a meta-analysis of 46 observational studies JAMA Network Open (Ophir et al.), 2023
  27. Screen time for under-5s Best Start in Life (UK government), 29 June 2026
  28. Early Years Screen Time Advisory Group report Department for Education and Department of Health and Social Care, March 2026
  29. The health impacts of screen time: a guide for clinicians and parents Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health, January 2019
  30. The new coviewing: designing for learning through joint media engagement Joan Ganz Cooney Center (Takeuchi and Stevens), 2011
  31. Sibling involvement in interventions for autistic children: a systematic review Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders (Shivers and Plavnick), 2015
  32. Siblings prompting speech in their autistic brothers: a single-case study Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders (Spector and Charlop), 2018
  33. Sibling-mediated social communication: a pilot with three families Behavioral Sciences (Bagawan et al.), 2026
  34. Peer-mediated interventions for autistic children: a review of group-design studies Research in Autism Spectrum Disorders (Chang and Locke), 2016
Will my autistic child talk? Speech, signing, pictures and AACAn honest look at whether autistic children learn to talk, what helps at home, why signs, pictures and AAC don't stop speech, and how to get speech and language therapy.Explaining autism to brothers and sisters, and supporting themWhen and how to tell brothers and sisters about autism, words for each age, fairness and one-to-one time, safety, young carers and support from Sibs.Screen time and apps: what the UK guidance saysThe new screen-time guidance for under-5s, why assistive technology is treated differently, what research says about screens and autism, and how to pick a safe app.Sensory differences: overload, seeking and what helpsWhy your child might cover their ears, crave spinning or not notice hunger, what helps day to day, and what the research says about sensory therapies and weighted blankets.Echolalia and scripting: why your child repeats words and phrasesWhy autistic children repeat words, phrases and lines from TV, how to respond to the meaning, and an honest look at gestalt language processing.

Words in this guide